Well, we had a good run dear Jazzy Girl, didn’t we? Today was peaceful, well as peaceful as a vet office can be for a skittish girl like you. For the most part it was just you and me kiddo, until we saw your vet who was kind and gentle with you as always. I think you and me both were ever so grateful for the soft quilt they laid on the floor just for you. Mamma even got down on the floor with you and we snuggled up close as they gave you the first shot. You fell asleep so fast and my resistance told me it was too fast. Even though I had already said a thousand goodbyes there really could never be enough.
I’ll bet you know that I never let go of you for one second and never stopped telling you how much you were loved. When they began to squeeze the blue stuff into the vein on your leg to stop your heart, you did your little dream whimpers like you were having fun chasing the squirrels. I buried my head into your beautiful, soft, white fur that was so fluffy from the bath I gave you this morning. When you went silent and still and I could no longer feel any rise and fall of your belly, your doctor listened for your heartbeat and finally confirmed that you had passed. I stayed with you for a little while, knowing you were gone, but you were still so warm.
It was a fleeting memory that I had while I stayed with you. Remember when the kids were very small and were scared of the dark? I would place my hand on their heart and have them place their hand on mine and you’d always appear, squeezing your nose in there, making sure it touched the outstretched arm of the frightened child. And I would look into their eyes and say to them, “I send a bridge of protection and loving light to your heart” and they would repeat it, sending that loving light energy back to mine. You received some of that loving energy too, because it was always in abundance and there was plenty enough to go around. I calmly reminded them that the bridge was our connection and that our love kept it strong and no matter how far away I might be (which at bedtime, this usually meant I was merely in the next room) that bond could not break. And they felt safe. I just want you to know that I loved sharing little moments like that with you.
I couldn’t help but shed more tears into your fur before I left, trying to get a handle on my emotions and not letting guilt take over my heart because Little Love, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But sweet Jazzy Girl, I must put trust in the fact that you are no longer in pain and I take comfort in the fact that you were able to pass over with dignity and grace. Until we meet again my sweet girl, my heart sends a bridge of protection and loving light to your heart, and I can feel that same bridge of deep love and protection from you, connecting us between the worlds. You will be so greatly missed by your family, but I don’t really need to tell you that, Little One. You already know.
March 30, 2009 – January 30, 2017
5 thoughts on “Letting Go”
I was so sorry to read about your loss of Jazzy! I really feel for you as a lifelong dog lover myself I know how hard it is when it is time to say goodbye. May Jazzy be chasing bones and rainbows in the Summerlands.
Many Healing Blessings to you,
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Hi CazWytch, thanks so much. It’s been a rough week but it’s the thoughtful words that people like you share with me that help me get through the dark days. Many Blessings )O(
I dreamed one night I came
Somehow to Heaven, and there
Transfigured shapes like flame
Moved effortless in air.
All silent were the Blest,
Calmly their haloes shone,
When through them all there pressed
One spirit whirling on.
He like a comet seemed,
But wild and glad and free,
And all through Heaven, I dreamed,
Rushed madly up to me.
Back from his haloed head
A flaming tail streamed far,
This way and that it sped
And waved from star to star.
And, as I saw it shot
Like searchlights through the sky,
I knew my dog had got
To Heaven as well as I.
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What beautiful imagery.! I feel like a thread of brilliant light has weaved itself around my heavy heart. Much needed at the moment. Thank you dear friend )O(
Dunsany says it so much better than me… :’\
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