Luna, I Love You and All…But…

Full Moons and I don’t get along. It’s a simple fact that I have finally come to terms with. The Full Moon is just so…so…….present. She demands attention. Now, I love to look up at the Full Moon and feel the glow of Her smiling down upon me. And there are full moons that absolutely take my breath away with their beauty. During her fullness I look up at Her, acknowledge Her, but I don’t linger. I’ve never lingered.

Last night there was no hint of her light because it’s been cold, cloudy, and raining for days. But whether I can look up at her and see a bright or faint glow, or no light at all, I still feel Her. We all do. For me, at the same time every month, within the realm of about 72 hours (give or take) I am a total emotional wreck. And that is putting it mildly.

It wasn’t until about two years ago that I realized I preferred the New Moon’s energy. A lot (I also think the waning crescent totally rocks too). It was drawing close to the New Moon and I was writing in my journal when it hit me. It was like an epiphany of sorts. It was one of those smack my palm to my forehead moments while slowly sliding it down thinking: It’s okay to prefer the energy of the New Moon. It’s Okay.

So I let go of the idea that as a Witch I was supposed to prefer the Full Moon. To do my magick at the Full Moon. To Draw Down the Full Moon.

That was two years ago and I still sometimes forget my relationship with the Full Moon.

Then came yesterday.

Yesterday I cried. I sobbed. I felt stretched thin. The tension was so taught. I can usually find a contributing factor, but yesterday I was at a loss. I was bitchy, moody, and grieving for something I couldn’t quite grasp. And it scared me. Really scared me.

I could attribute some of the feelings of hopelessness to several things going on in my life right now. I’m upset with how unproductive I have been feeling. Even more than usual.

I haven’t been weaning down in the meds anymore, instead I had plateaued. I also hurt my hand. Again. That’s twice in two months. This time I was finishing up a painting when once again I felt a “pop” on the top of my hand. I couldn’t open or close my hand without feeling a lot of pain. I also couldn’t flex my wrist. I was put in another, even more restricting brace than before that I’m supposed to wear 24 hours a day for 10-14 days. Puleeze! I don’t have time for that!

My house is in disarray. I can’t wash dishes, fold laundry, use scissors, sweep, write, draw, or use a fork (I am so left-handed it’s insane). It hurts to wash my hair. Hell, I can barely even type.This post is taking me literally hours. But I was warned that if I take off the clunky brace I risk doing some serious damage to my tendons that would most likely require surgery. Then I think, pfft. What’s another surgery?

Something within me broke yesterday. I felt so completely lost that I wished for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. So I sat in holed up in my studio, in gloom and doom. My husband checked on me a few times and brought me some tea and toast. And I waited it out. I sat there with sage burning most of the time and today I feel like I’ve smoked a pack of cloves. I slept out there on the massage table. And I’m glad I did. My back feels great!

What a serious difference a day makes in the cycle of the moon. I usually follow the moon aspects, but this month, with hurting my hand and all the other usual b.s. I didn’t bother. Little did I know that the Full Moon was in Sagittarius with dear ole Saturn conjunct stirring the pot. If I had understood what was happening amongst the stars then maybe things would have been a bit more bearable. But then again, maybe not.

I truly believe in natal charts and that our etheric souls have a say in mapping out our next incarnation. My Sun Sign is in Cancer. I know my rising sign is 6 degrees Scorpio, and my Moon is in Taurus. .01 degrees in fact. Which means, karmically I’m an infant in the realm of the light of the moon.

Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to get into a bar brawl with that trio. Or a fight of any kind for that matter. They can be moody, oversensitive, stubborn, and suspicious of everything and everyone.

Of course those are on the bad days.

Their good qualities are actually pretty terrific. So I’m told.

I still don’t know what was truly at the heart of yesterday’s pain. Yes, there are some challenges in my life right now, but I still feel like I didn’t quite grasp something buried deep within. I’m missing something.

But hey, the good news is, the New Moon will be here soon to guide me. Yes, it will be void of light, but it’s through the darkness that we must feel our way through. Without light we rely on our other senses to guide us along. Besides, I’ve never been one to be afraid of the dark. At least not in this incarnation.

Many Blessings on Your Journey )O(

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Cherry Tarts~ Retro-Style

Mercury Retrograde.
It’s a time to say what I should have said when I felt what I meant to say. Or something like that.

Discombobulated anyone?

Just blame it on Mercury. Like the most of us tend to do.

 I’ve been on the alternative route long enough to have been duly warned of all the do’s and don’ts during this “troubling” time. I am well aware of the more-than-likely-mishaps and frustrating malfunctions, dumb misunderstandings and deals gone bad. I’ve been there, done that. And so have you.

 No need to fret, It’s just Mercury Retrograde doing it’s thing; and we all have our thing.

When things go awry like your printer takes a nosedive or you accidentally hit “send” when you really shouldn’t have then it’s time to pay more attention to the little wisps of luck in your life like getting out of a speeding ticket, finding a $20 bill in your coat pocket and then find the bakery is making your favorite cherry tarts again (I must admit I worked hard on making that wheel squeak).You know, the important stuff in the Grand Scheme of Things.

Besides, Mercury isn’t really moving backwards, it’s all just an optical illusion…but I really shouldn’t spoil the mood so I’ll stop there.

Life speeds by on its endless course and dear Mercury Retrograde can be that slap in the face you need in order to get a grip on life.

Many Blessings on Your Journey )O(

The tarts are calling my name. Mercury Rocks!

My Soul’s Compass

Taking a Closer Look at my Astrological Gene

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I’m a woman in search of my soul, trying to find my unique connection to the divine as I understand it to be. I’ve always known that one of my major goals in this lifetime was living a spiritual path that rang true to me. I’ve spent decades fine-tuning, soul searching, reading, studying, and learning about everything that resonated with me deep in my core. This journey has led me to live my life with much more awareness because now I allow everything I do to be an opportunity for spiritual growth. The more I allow this to happen the more and more opportunities present themselves.

So it was no surprise when I was cleaning out an old bookshelf in the corner of my art studio and found a folder partially shoved between the shelf and the wall. I pulled it free and looked over the red paper folder. I ran my fingers along the worn edges and pulled back the cover. There inside was my handwriting along with a painstakingly drawn circle with intersecting lines. There were a lot of handwritten pages behind the first, and as I flipped through them, I couldn’t help but smile. Bittersweet, but a smile nonetheless and I wondered why I hadn’t put this folder somewhere safe instead of accidentally coming across it two decades later.

Over two decades. Had it really been that long? No way…Those impressionable years of my life were full of self-discovery as I was courageously coming into my own and finally taking control of my life. It was also a period in my life during which one of the most insightful developments in my spiritual journey occurred.

During my late teens I began studying the occult more seriously. I had already been reading the Tarot for several years and I was always fascinated by the connection between the suits, the elements, and astrology. So when I came across an enormous tome on astrology at a garage sale, I considered it to be quite a find. It’s one of those things I purged during one of my later moves, and I regret not keeping it.

It took me all summer, but I read through that astrological reference ‘bible’ with its crinkly paper-thin pages and writing as dry as stale bread. Its only saving grace was its intricate illustrations. Since there was a step-by-step section on how to draw your own natal chart, I decided to take on the big task of drawing my own. It proved to be much more difficult than I had anticipated.

Before reading my garage sale find and getting a glimpse of the sheer magnitude of astrology, the most I knew about it was that I was a Cancer sun sign, just like my grandmother. She liked to remind me of our little corner of the zodiac and would explain our Cancerian traits at the same time she was teaching me to roll out pie crust. My life, like hers, would be filled with sentimentality to the extreme, a tendency towards crabbiness, but lots of love to make up for it, and the joy of nurturing others with homemade pot pies and jelly rolls. I was about to learn that there was so much more to me than the well-known sun signs, and when I began researching, it seemed like a bottomless pit (and in many ways it still is).

It didn’t take me long to find out that I was in over my head and that it was a project that was going to take me longer than just a lazy Sunday afternoon. There wasn’t a lot of readily available information out there for me to get my hands on as this was during the late 1980’s, so there was no internet option to explore. No copy and pasting or software program. It took patience, something I have always been short on, and this was a rather good lesson for it. I spent plenty of time at the local library. I raided friend’s bookshelves and then the bookshelves of their friends, their parent’s friends, etc. and I was thrilled when I finally got my hands on a real ephemeris.

When I was finished I could plainly see where in my life I had already traversed, and there appeared to be a clear trend of what lay ahead. I was in awe, as it clearly pinpointed certain times in my life with amazing accuracy. It was worth every intersecting line I drew, and every degree I counted. The research and understanding of the houses and other key components finally fell into place and began to make sense. I had connected the dots, creating an amazing map of my life’s path and my unique spiritual journey. I had in my hands a powerful tool to aid me in my spiritual growth. My natal chart gave me a closer look at who I was and the amazing outlook on who I had the potential to be.

Several years after my Grandmother passed away, I obtained her birth-date information and drew her natal chart which showed striking similarities to my own. Signs, planets and houses were just the tip of the iceberg. There were traits about myself that I was already aware of, but to what depth they reached was unknown to me until I took on the adventure of drawing my birth chart. After its completion I had a firm grasp on where I had been and a better idea of where to go from there. It was now easier to see the best choices I could make in order to develop my strengths, and I now had a deeper understanding of how I could effectively ease or overcome my weaknesses. There would be dangers and pitfalls to look out for during certain times in my life and plenty of opportunities that are worth a second look. My natal chart was (and still is) my soul’s compass and although I have since printed it out from several different websites over the years, I am proud to say that my original hand drawn one matches up perfectly. The original is now safely tucked away in my old sentimental box of treasures and keepsakes.

Do you feel your soul’s compass?

Many Blessings on your journey )O(