Just merrily bobbing along with the current, like a glass float near the shore.

Nothing new here. No new tale to tell.

And I like it that way.

Everyone’s life is an evolving story, full of chapters designed by us, and it’s our job to turn the pages, to get to the next chapter and to hopefully, with any success, finish the book.

It’s a suspense novel, unpredictable, full of nice, and sometimes not very nice characters (who without these unsavory characters there would be no point to the story, now would there?) There’s really no fun in long term predictability either. Predictable people, places, or things can be rather boring. But boring is a very welcome thing for me at the moment.

After a particularly long month with a lot of traveling, my patience had worn thin. I became grumpy, and depressed. I felt overwhelmed by the weight of something (not just the accumulated laundry pile) that I just couldn’t seem to put my finger on.

I fall into the category of those people who spiritually believe that we decide on our life’s lessons before we incarnate. We, as stupid, ethereal souls cook up these grand ideas-adventures-learning experiences-which really means piles of shit to deal with,

But, I am at the beach with my husband, sitting on the bed in the hotel room listening to the waves crash and someone’s children playing on the sand below. It’s an absolutely beautiful, warm sunny day, and to be perfectly honest, I’m quite comfortable and content with where I am at this moment.

Like one of those Japanese glass fishing floats, buoyant, just going along with the ebb and flow, nowhere we have to be, nothing in particular we have to do. We just are.

No, I’m not out wandering along the shore, letting my toes sink into the soft wet sand. I’m not fighting off seagulls or wondering when the next high tide is. I’m not walking into the wind nor am I walking away from it. And I’m not squinting at the sun.

Instead I choose to sit here on the cushy hotel bed propped up with a nest of pillows all around me. Of course we’ve been down to the beach several times and have wandered around for a few hours between yesterday and today, but the best part for me is sitting in this hotel room listening to the surf and wondering when we’re going to break into that strawberry cheesecake we had bought at the store on our way out of town.

We brought a couple of movies with us to watch at our leisure and after an afternoon of wonderful romps (and a favorable romp last night) we are completely content in staying inside-sliding door open of course, but both of us in companionable silence. And there’s a true beauty in the simplicity of it.

There’s no need to wear ourselves out taking long drives along highway 101 to discover a hidden cave or an untouched private beach. We did that sort of thing more than a decade ago and let me tell you, there’s nowhere that is as totally private as we would wish it would be…

No sanctuary like the one we have found in our hotel room. Our own little glass float.

So here I am, perfectly content to waste away the weekend shacked up with my husband, looking forward to another walk on the beach at sunset, dinner of lobster macaroni and cheese, and then later, a fluffy movie (Pillow Talk with Doris Day) in bed while sharing a pack of peanut m & m’s. Laughter. Teasing. Relaxing. And horribly unhealthy junk food. Then maybe another romp.

For the past several months I have been working on a Lammas weekend campout for women’s group gathering. The moment I was offered the opportunity to create a women’s group ritual for Lammas, I knew instantly what I wanted to create and share. My vision was one of letting go in order to take back control of our true selves.

My inspiration for this ritual came from a period in my life that was crucial to the development of my spirituality in terms of self-awareness, and most importantly self-esteem.Many years ago I became a Maenad, an initiated Priestess of Dionysos. I look back fondly at those wild rites of drunken ecstasy with laughter and joy, exploring free expression with beautiful fellow Maenads.

My inner Maenad is the wild, uninhibited part of me that I allow to emerge from time time. When the pressures of day to day life begins to crush my spirit with its weight, I invite my inner Maenad to come out to play (at the right time and in private sacred space of course). Over the years I have learned how to achieve trance and ecstatic states without large quantities of red wine, and invoking a separate male deity, which only added to my feelings of liberation from expectations and silly rules.(further below is my recent experience as a Maenad, becoming the catalyst to the creation of the ritual)

I’ve named the developing ritual The Beating Heart of the Wild. It will be a Lammas Full Moon Celebration embracing the wild, uninhibited parts of ourselves by freeing our stifled spirits and connecting to the primal energy of the ancient Greek Maenads.

It will be a Maenad celebration, focusing on our inner Wild-Child (a.k.a, Dionysos) with a touch of Shamanic Journeying through the form of ecstatic Dance.

The Story of the Maenad

Every month during the Full Moon the Maenads of Ancient Greece joined together to honor Dionysos their inner-Wild Child. With the light of the full moon to guide them, women from all walks of life ventured from their homes to meet with others at their sacred gathering place to escape their mundane life and the pressures to ‘behave’ that society placed upon them. Their private sanctuary was a safe space that allowed them to fully let go of all the societal inhibitions that stifled their Spirituality.

As the Ancient Maenads of old, we too are free to unlock our imprisoned pleasures and and ultimately unleash the Divine Madness that beats in the hearts of all women. This is the Center of our healing and the core of the Sacred Feminine.

My Journey as a Maenad

Since becoming initiated as a Maenad well over a decade ago, I have evolved both as a Woman and a Priestess. During these years of contemplation I could feel a slow-budding awakening but it wasn’t until about a year ago that I began to understand what my feelings were telling me.

This shift in perspective came about naturally as I was preparing for my solitary Full Moon Ritual. A voice inside me whispered, “Bring forth the Maenad within you.” This gave me pause because it had been years since I had worked with that part of myself, but at the same time my heart screamed, “Oh how I have missed her!”  But how would that work? Dionysos had always played a major role during Maenad rituals, but over time my spirituality had grown far apart from that aspect. Yes, I am a heterosexual woman, but the state of arousal went well beyond that. There had to be a way for me to take on the challenge of unleashing the Divine Madness of the Maenad. So I took a deep breath, trusted my intuition, and reworked my Full Moon ritual to awaken my inner Maenad and to give thanks to the Goddess for inspiring me to do so.

When it came time to raise power, I took my own journey into the ecstatic trance state. I built power by the light of the Full Moon and then raised that power by dancing to the rhythm of my own heartbeat. I was able to bring forth the liberating feelings that come with intoxication, but without the wine. I held onto the magick and revelry, and embraced the ecstasy of the moment. I transcended my chronic pain by allowing the frenzy to take me twirling naked in the full moonlight, laughing and spinning until I felt the reawakening and collapsed from the mystical dizziness of it all. The Maenad from within had been reborn, and it felt absolutely amazing beyond words.

Occasionally I will post new developments in my progress as I develop the ritual. I hope you follow my journey as I prepare for this event. 

Many Blessings on Your Journey)O(

While standing at the kitchen sink rinsing dishes, I gaze out the window and find myself easily lured into a simple yet wonderful daydream. I’m outside sitting beneath the giant cedars at the end of the stone path that leads to my art studio. I’m enveloped in the shade, feeling protected and safe while I sit at the little iron bistro table on the studio deck. I take a sip of fresh lavender lemonade then I close my eyes and just let the tension go. I breathe in deeply. I’m listening to the birds, the blue jays in particular, and the soft sound of cooing doves from time to time. The breeze whips my hair around my face and it tickles my nose before I can tuck it behind my ear.

This peaceful scenery within my mind leaves me asking myself the same question that I’ve asked myself most of my adult life: Why don’t you take advantage of more moments that are available to you? Why not accept a pause in life, so that you can have the opportunity to enjoy simple, uncomplicated things like walking down the stone path to be alone with your thoughts?

It’s difficult to explain the exact circumstances behind all the missed opportunities, but there’s no shortage on the list of excuses that dart around in my head, bumping into each other and becoming a chaotic clump of reasons.

Like most people, I’m easily distracted, and of course distractions are everywhere, acting as constant companions in the personal daily grind. It’s hard to switch gears in the middle of a hectic day without causing more stress, worry, or guilt for not staying ‘busy’. For every opportunity to unwind, I can give 5 excuses why I can’t or shouldn’t. I can prove there’s constant laundry, people to feed, volunteer work to catch up on, kid stuff, yard work, housework, time for friends. time to get a handle on things…You see, people depend on me.

But right now it’s quiet in the house and that daydream calls to me. The spicy scent of cedar beckons. I look longingly out the window. This is an opportunity presenting itself. So what do I do? I’ll tell you what I do; I pour myself a glass of lavender lemonade and grab my laptop; That’s what I do!

I accidentally glance at the clock on the stove as I pass by. It’s getting late and I still need to start dinner…the laundry needs to be rebooted too…oh and the plants are probably thirsty…wait, did I get the mail? I sigh heavily, and just as I’m about to set my laptop down I stop myself and say out loud, “Oh no you don’t! Get your butt out there now or you’ll never make it out there at all!”

Hmmm…I make a mental note. New mantra; Get your butt out there now or you’ll never make it out there at all! So with full resolve I keep the laptop tucked under my arm and the glass of lavender lemonade in my hand and announce, (I suppose to no one in particular) “I’ll be down at the studio!”

I wait 3 seconds. No response. So I shrug my shoulders and quietly ( & hurriedly) leave the house through the back door. I walk down the shaded stone path to the here and now as I sit in the shade beneath the cedars listening to the birds sing (especially the blue jays) and occasionally hear the mourning dove’s coo. I close my eyes and feel the breeze ruffling through my hair and caressing my skin.

I take a sip of the lavender lemonade and it tastes positively marvelous!

I smile while sitting alone in this little wonder-corner of my world, appreciating this little window of opportunity to reconnect with myself by slowing the pace. Besides, I know that no one in this family will starve to death if dinner is 30 minutes late.

It can wait.  I’m worth it.

And this lemonade truly is delicious.
Curious? Here’s the recipe:.

Lavender Lemonade  

makes 8 servings

Ingredients:

2 cups boiling water

1 cup lavender flowers (we respectfully harvest from our herb garden)

1 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

1 cup of sugar

2 cups cold water

lavender sprigs for garnish
Place the lavender in a glass pitcher; carefully pour the boiling water over the lavender; cover with plastic wrap and allow to steep for 10 minutes. Strain and discard lavender. Return strained lavender water to pitcher and add the lemon juice and sugar. Stir until sugar is dissolved. Add the 2 cups of cold water and mix well. Refrigerate until serving. Garnish with a fresh lavender sprig if desired.