The Beating Heart of the Wild

June 17, 2015July 13, 2015 / The Zen Witch / Leave a comment

A Bacchante, Arthur Wardle (1860-1949)

For the past several months I have been working on a Lammas weekend campout for women’s group gathering. The moment I was offered the opportunity to create a women’s group ritual for Lammas, I knew instantly what I wanted to create and share. My vision was one of letting go in order to take back control of our true selves.

My inspiration for this ritual came from a period in my life that was crucial to the development of my spirituality in terms of self-awareness, and most importantly self-esteem.Many years ago I became a Maenad, an initiated Priestess of Dionysos. I look back fondly at those wild rites of drunken ecstasy with laughter and joy, exploring free expression with beautiful fellow Maenads.

My inner Maenad is the wild, uninhibited part of me that I allow to emerge from time time. When the pressures of day to day life begins to crush my spirit with its weight, I invite my inner Maenad to come out to play (at the right time and in private sacred space of course). Over the years I have learned how to achieve trance and ecstatic states without large quantities of red wine, and invoking a separate male deity, which only added to my feelings of liberation from expectations and silly rules.(further below is my recent experience as a Maenad, becoming the catalyst to the creation of the ritual)

I’ve named the developing ritual The Beating Heart of the Wild. It will be a Lammas Full Moon Celebration embracing the wild, uninhibited parts of ourselves by freeing our stifled spirits and connecting to the primal energy of the ancient Greek Maenads.

It will be a Maenad celebration, focusing on our inner Wild-Child (a.k.a, Dionysos) with a touch of Shamanic Journeying through the form of ecstatic Dance.

The Story of the Maenad

Every month during the Full Moon the Maenads of Ancient Greece joined together to honor Dionysos their inner-Wild Child. With the light of the full moon to guide them, women from all walks of life ventured from their homes to meet with others at their sacred gathering place to escape their mundane life and the pressures to ‘behave’ that society placed upon them. Their private sanctuary was a safe space that allowed them to fully let go of all the societal inhibitions that stifled their Spirituality.

As the Ancient Maenads of old, we too are free to unlock our imprisoned pleasures and and ultimately unleash the Divine Madness that beats in the hearts of all women. This is the Center of our healing and the core of the Sacred Feminine.

My Journey as a Maenad

Since becoming initiated as a Maenad well over a decade ago, I have evolved both as a Woman and a Priestess. During these years of contemplation I could feel a slow-budding awakening but it wasn’t until about a year ago that I began to understand what my feelings were telling me.

This shift in perspective came about naturally as I was preparing for my solitary Full Moon Ritual. A voice inside me whispered, “Bring forth the Maenad within you.” This gave me pause because it had been years since I had worked with that part of myself, but at the same time my heart screamed, “Oh how I have missed her!” But how would that work? Dionysos had always played a major role during Maenad rituals, but over time my spirituality had grown far apart from that aspect. Yes, I am a heterosexual woman, but the state of arousal went well beyond that. There had to be a way for me to take on the challenge of unleashing the Divine Madness of the Maenad. So I took a deep breath, trusted my intuition, and reworked my Full Moon ritual to awaken my inner Maenad and to give thanks to the Goddess for inspiring me to do so.

When it came time to raise power, I took my own journey into the ecstatic trance state. I built power by the light of the Full Moon and then raised that power by dancing to the rhythm of my own heartbeat. I was able to bring forth the liberating feelings that come with intoxication, but without the wine. I held onto the magick and revelry, and embraced the ecstasy of the moment. I transcended my chronic pain by allowing the frenzy to take me twirling naked in the full moonlight, laughing and spinning until I felt the reawakening and collapsed from the mystical dizziness of it all. The Maenad from within had been reborn, and it felt absolutely amazing beyond words.

Occasionally I will post new developments in my progress as I develop the ritual. I hope you follow my journey as I prepare for this event.

Bacchante

Many Blessings on Your Journey)O(

The Taste of Lavender in the Shade of Cedars

June 6, 2015June 6, 2015 / The Zen Witch / 2 Comments

While standing at the kitchen sink rinsing dishes, I gaze out the window and find myself easily lured into a simple yet wonderful daydream. I’m outside sitting beneath the giant cedars at the end of the stone path that leads to my art studio. I’m enveloped in the shade, feeling protected and safe while I sit at the little iron bistro table on the studio deck. I take a sip of fresh lavender lemonade then I close my eyes and just let the tension go. I breathe in deeply. I’m listening to the birds, the blue jays in particular, and the soft sound of cooing doves from time to time. The breeze whips my hair around my face and it tickles my nose before I can tuck it behind my ear.

This peaceful scenery within my mind leaves me asking myself the same question that I’ve asked myself most of my adult life: Why don’t you take advantage of more moments that are available to you? Why not accept a pause in life, so that you can have the opportunity to enjoy simple, uncomplicated things like walking down the stone path to be alone with your thoughts?

It’s difficult to explain the exact circumstances behind all the missed opportunities, but there’s no shortage on the list of excuses that dart around in my head, bumping into each other and becoming a chaotic clump of reasons.

Like most people, I’m easily distracted, and of course distractions are everywhere, acting as constant companions in the personal daily grind. It’s hard to switch gears in the middle of a hectic day without causing more stress, worry, or guilt for not staying ‘busy’. For every opportunity to unwind, I can give 5 excuses why I can’t or shouldn’t. I can prove there’s constant laundry, people to feed, volunteer work to catch up on, kid stuff, yard work, housework, time for friends. time to get a handle on things…You see, people depend on me.

But right now it’s quiet in the house and that daydream calls to me. The spicy scent of cedar beckons. I look longingly out the window. This is an opportunity presenting itself. So what do I do? I’ll tell you what I do; I pour myself a glass of lavender lemonade and grab my laptop; That’s what I do!

I accidentally glance at the clock on the stove as I pass by. It’s getting late and I still need to start dinner…the laundry needs to be rebooted too…oh and the plants are probably thirsty…wait, did I get the mail? I sigh heavily, and just as I’m about to set my laptop down I stop myself and say out loud, “Oh no you don’t! Get your butt out there now or you’ll never make it out there at all!”

Hmmm…I make a mental note. New mantra; Get your butt out there now or you’ll never make it out there at all! So with full resolve I keep the laptop tucked under my arm and the glass of lavender lemonade in my hand and announce, (I suppose to no one in particular) “I’ll be down at the studio!”

I wait 3 seconds. No response. So I shrug my shoulders and quietly ( & hurriedly) leave the house through the back door. I walk down the shaded stone path to the here and now as I sit in the shade beneath the cedars listening to the birds sing (especially the blue jays) and occasionally hear the mourning dove’s coo. I close my eyes and feel the breeze ruffling through my hair and caressing my skin.

I take a sip of the lavender lemonade and it tastes positively marvelous!

I smile while sitting alone in this little wonder-corner of my world, appreciating this little window of opportunity to reconnect with myself by slowing the pace. Besides, I know that no one in this family will starve to death if dinner is 30 minutes late.

It can wait. I’m worth it.

And this lemonade truly is delicious.
Curious? Here’s the recipe:.

Lavender Lemonade

makes 8 servings

Ingredients:

2 cups boiling water

1 cup lavender flowers (we respectfully harvest from our herb garden)

1 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

1 cup of sugar

2 cups cold water

lavender sprigs for garnish
Place the lavender in a glass pitcher; carefully pour the boiling water over the lavender; cover with plastic wrap and allow to steep for 10 minutes. Strain and discard lavender. Return strained lavender water to pitcher and add the lemon juice and sugar. Stir until sugar is dissolved. Add the 2 cups of cold water and mix well. Refrigerate until serving. Garnish with a fresh lavender sprig if desired.

The Real Me, The Real You

May 22, 2015May 22, 2015 / The Zen Witch / 2 Comments

My True Self

It’s strange to think about all the roles I have played in my life. I was a daughter, then eventually an adopted daughter, only child, competitive figure skater, good little Catholic girl, a Duranie, rebellious teenage runaway, juvenile delinquent, friend, lover, teen mom, college student, wife, heart-breaker, teacher, occult student, Tarot reader, Priestess, & one who lives with chronic pain. These are just a few off the top of my head. Now obviously there are some roles I am not proud of and there are those that make me happy inside. Each one of those roles has been a unique learning experience and has led my life in many different directions. Two of those things I have been for more than half my life; and those two things are a wife and mom.

The role of a wife and mom are are what most people identify me as, because they are the two roles I show most to the world. They are big pieces of my life, and I love being those things. My journey as a wife and mom has given me some of my most beautiful and amazing memories and I know there are good things to come (even through the muddy waters of problem children). The roles of wife and mom are pieces of my life but they don’t define me. These roles are what they are; roles. The real me, (the real you, the real them) is infinite and immeasurable. Everyone is their own being with a unique spirit and a spark of the divine, and yet I can sometimes bog myself down with labels. Do you do that too? Yes, I’m married, I have children, I’m a pet owner, volunteer, and homemaker. I have many interests and hobbies. I am blessed with those things and those are a part of my being, but not the totality of me.

Why do we limit ourselves with our self-image? Why do we habitually identify our uniqueness with roles and titles, employment and status, what we own or what we don’t own, our personality traits and our looks? It’s self-limiting, and I don’t believe that’s the entire reason for this incarnation and most definitely not my soul’s existence. There’s so much more to me. It was time to knock down those walls I’d made. It was time to expand my sense of self and open myself up to new opportunities. There was room needed for my new dreams and ideas to flourish.

So, who am I?

In learning to know myself, I have had to become more aware during times of meditation, journaling, and when reading the Tarot for myself. From time to time I pause and ask myself if I am keeping to certain roles during this time of introspection, or am I floating free of those labels? Am I looking at the whole picture of me? This has helped me tremendously in letting go. I was surprised at first when I felt more complete the more I let go. Now it comes naturally when I’m in my quiet time and space of solitude. It has become an immeasurably important piece of my life, allowing me to step back in order see the strength and beauty of who I was, who I am, and the woman I aspire to be.

Blessings on your Journey )O(

Beautiful Beltane Blessings

May 3, 2015May 8, 2015 / The Zen Witch / Leave a comment

Hearts Awaken, Fairies Afoot

Beltane is on or about the halfway mark between Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice so here in the Pacific Northwest the weather usually becomes milder and the daylight noticeably stretches further and further into the evening hours.Thursday, April 30, May Eve, was when Mercury entered Gemini, remaining there until the beginning part of June. This is a time to feel inspired to travel and learn, maybe even take on a new class or venture out to a new destination. With Mercury in Gemini I need to remember one key element for a continuing successful Beltane weekend. Communication. I’ll need an open mind and to embrace spontaneity to bring Beltane Blessings into the hearts and lives of my loved ones, and to effectively extend the loving energy flow to our Mother Earth who so desperately needs it.

On Friday my children and I gathered moss, fallen twigs and bark and created a fun little fairy playground to place under our giant holly bush. We made a little gazebo complete with a swing, and a giant slide with ladder. A welcome sign pulls it all together. We have planned to continue making things for the fairy folk throughout the summer. This morning we are finishing up a house and the kids are really involved. Who am I kidding? I think I’m just as much (if not more) into it than my children are!

Last night my husband and I had a quiet evening at home for our private Beltane observance so I cooked up some sensual pleasures to share with my him to honor our union of Mind, Body, and Spirit. Our ritual was wonderful, beginning with a massage and went on from there. *wink*

Mirror, Mirror

April 12, 2015May 8, 2015 / The Zen Witch / 3 Comments

Life is full of mysterious reflections. Some are clean and clear while others are distorted or deceptive. The mirror of our soul reflects back to us all aspects of our hopes and dreams, our love and passion, and ultimately our true self. These reflections serve as reminders and change according to need, and are felt within and seen by others without.

Before each incarnation our souls are known to us, as is our intimate source to the divine. That connection becomes muddled with life as a result of all the headaches and heartaches, complexities and confusion we endure. We struggle with holding on to that connection but it continues to float further and further away from our day to day consciousness. What once resonated with us spiritually becomes a distant faint glimmer among the stars of our forgotten dreams.Mirrors capture our image, revealing to us our likeness in great detail. But these are not the only mirrors we have available to us. There are other types of mirrors that reveal things about ourselves that we can’t see. Those reflections are all around us in one form or another, but none more common and reliable than our daily interactions with others. These mirrors provide the clearest reflection of our innermost selves once those reflections are brought into focus. That act in itself can prove to be quite a challenge.Remember running through the room of mirrors in the carnival funhouse? It was dizzying and disorienting, and you kept finding yourself bumping into either clear glass or mirrored reflections, unable to differentiate between the two. There probably came a point where you began to question which illusion was true to your eyes and which was in fact deceptive. Perhaps in trepidation you held your hands out in front of your body to shield yourself from hitting your face against the glass again.

If we’re honest, we’ll be able to admit that we have certain traits or characteristics that we don’t want to see, and we most certainly don’t want others to see. When we show our true selves, we are left vulnerable to the judgement and critique of others. When we hide these things then we are hiding from ourselves. We’ll eventually move through our self-made illusions and come out the other side relieved.

Those we encounter are the mirrors showing us our hidden truths. These encounters are arranged by the universe, and more times than not they are an opportunity for growth.When we can honestly watch ourselves through the actions of others, we are able to connect with both our strengths and weaknesses. These reflections of ourselves that we see in others help nudge us to remember who we really are, what we are really like, and what our life purpose is.

There are people in our lives who can trigger good or bad reactions almost immediately. Do you cringe when you think of bumping into a certain person you don’t like? Do you smile when you hear your children get off the school bus? What about the feeling of excitement when you arrive at a get together with your closest friends?

Our mirrors appear as people who come into our lives (friends, neighbors, co workers, enemies, grocery store clerks, and telemarketers) who have a way of bringing up our own issues. You can be going about your day when you encounter someone who creates a downward spiral in your world. Later you find yourself still thinking about the situation, going over the details, reliving the feelings of anger, insecurity, or guilt. Coming up with things you could’ve said, should’ve done.

Picture yourself showing up at that get-together you were so looking forward to only to see someone whom you always seem to clash with. That is a perfect time to look for the reflection of yourself. What is your reaction? Do you turn around and head out the door? Do you hide behind a plant? Maybe you walk right up and say hi in the most pleasant way you can only to feel your lip twitch. What are your feelings? Anger? Shame? Embarrassment?No matter the emotion, it’s strong and It can feel overwhelming. These instinctual feelings are a signal for you to take a closer look at yourself.

One personal experience occurred after my third child was born. I was insecure about the way I looked as It had been 6 weeks since I gave birth and I was still trying to shed the extra baby weight. I felt frumpy and depressed. I wasn’t getting much sleep, and I had no energy whatsoever.

One warm spring evening I made a quick jaunt to the corner market because we had ran out of milk. My husband was helping finish dinner so I reluctantly agreed to go. Besides, I hadn’t been out of the house in days. It was one of those ‘in cognito’ quick run in, run out, hope you don’t see anyone you know trips and lo and behold I run into an old high school friend. There I was, caught in my baggy sweatpants and milk-stained t-shirt, wearing no makeup with my hair pulled back in a ponytail.

Gina however, was sun-kissed and smiling. She seemed ‘put together’. In fact, she looked amazing. Several things ran through my mind; I was grateful that my husband wasn’t with me, that she probably wouldn’t have noticed me if I had been wearing my sunglasses, and that I hated her guts. I felt a twinge of guilt with that last thought because she was in fact a dear friend of mine during high school. She had always been positive and caring, but at that moment I couldn’t stand her. Everything about her bothered me, and I found myself focusing on how she was chomping on the piece of gum in her mouth and how incredibly irritating it was.

This encounter with Gina was a real wake-up call when I was finally able to come clean with myself about my jealousy towards her. It was emotional to see someone from my past, someone who reminded me of myself just a few years earlier. I found myself reluctant to answer when she asked me what I was up to. I didn’t want to ask her what she was doing with her life, afraid that she would have the same answer as me. She was married too, with a three year-old ; and 8 month- old twins! I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself as I looked at the radiant woman standing in front of me. Not knowing what else to do, I politely told her I was in a hurry and left

Later that evening I reflected on the encounter. After processing the feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy, embarrassment, and sadness, and as I continued to peel back the layers of those emotions, my reflection became clearer and more focused.

The fact of the matter was that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I took any time for myself, even to grab a coffee, or take a bubble bath. I was too exhausted and depressed to even give it much thought. After pouring all of my energy into being a good mom and wife, I had nothing left for me.

Encountering someone from my past, someone who I admired, someone who reminded me of who I used to be, was also a reminder of what I could still be.. Happy. Healthy. Put together. It created a sadness within me that was a direct reflection of my lack of self-love and acceptance. I threw on the sweatpants because I didn’t think to bother looking for anything else. My devotion to others allowed me to ignore myself, my own needs, and my feelings of worthiness. Why bother with makeup or brushing my hair if I wasn’t expecting to leave the house? What was the point?

The point was that I had simply forgotten about myself! My feelings of inadequacy stemmed from the fact that I had failed to create a perfect life for my family (which of course doesn’t exist for anyone). In feeling like a failure, it became easy to neglect my emotional and spiritual well-being. The more I neglected these two things, the more my self-image suffered. This was obvious in the way I treated myself, and my physical appearance was a direct reflection of that.

I was not only too tired, but I felt it was too selfish to worry about my own well-being or to fight for my own happiness. I thought that if I could manage making everyone else around me happy, then happiness for myself would naturally follow. I had fallen into the trap that so many moms fall into. Put simply, I had it ass backwards. This encounter with my old classmate was a wake-up call, a slap in the face from reality, and it was a way to stop the downward spiral.

I realized that I was the only one responsible for my own happiness, and I began a new way of life. I had an entirely new mindset. I began to think about myself. My needs. My wants. My emotions. My physical health. All of it. Gina mirrored the qualities I so desperately wanted back in my life. The self-confidence and genuine smile, the positive aura, and the bright energy. It was the real me, and I wanted it back. I began that night, scribbling away in my journal. I wrote out reasonable goals and crossed them off as I achieved them. I then created new ones. My confidence grew and my love and appreciation for myself blossomed.

Everyone you meet has the potential to act as a mirror. Every day you encounter them as smiling faces or sour looks. You’ll see friendly gestures or hear rude comments. How do those people reflect your own personal emotions that day? Are they similar or quite the opposite? How do those actions and attitudes affect you? Do they bring to attention certain patterns or habits you need to do away with? What are some that you need to embrace? Make the most of the human mirrors you meet in the world. Be open to the learning experience they offer, even the ones that make you feel uncomfortable. Well, especially those ones.

Remember to keep close to your heart the knowledge that you too are somebody’s mirror. Never underestimate the importance of that.

Blessings on your Journey )O(