spirituality

In the Spirit of Collage (Pt. 1 of 3)

/ The Zen Witch / Leave a comment

Reflections of a Teenage Dream

I first began to collage as a young teen, around the same time I began to study and read the Tarot. Now this was back in the 80’s so the photos used were ones developed with actual film, which means days, sometimes weeks would go by before I ever saw the end result of my attempt to capture the moment. There was no instant gratification and no way of knowing if the one you took was even going to turn out (unless you had a crappy Polaroid). You took one picture at a time, crossed your fingers, and prayed to the Photo Gods because you only got a total of 24 chances in a single roll of film. This made capturing raw moments much more random and rare than nowadays.

I found that thick poster paper or plain cardboard worked best as the base for my collage work. Before beginning I would take several minutes to gaze at the blank ‘canvas’ like I did before painting with my watercolors, imagining it as a smooth pond, knowing that the first photo (like the first stroke of the brush) would be the pebble that I tossed. Each photo would in someway be connected to others on a deeply spiritual level. I chose the images randomly from a big heap collected over months. I had no set intention, I just placed them where I felt they belonged. Even the shapes were cut haphazardly, notched and imperfect, just like the volatile teen I felt I was. Little did I know that those images were telling a story that only my subconscious was aware of at the time.

The collages were never intended to be anything fancy, just scissors and glue, time alone, raw teenage emotion, and an LP record playing loudly in the background. These pieces of memory held together by glue encompassed an abstract view of my emotional world at that time in a way that I was unable to do with words written in journals. I look at my old collages now and my mind reaches far beyond that moment suspended in time. Each snapshot intertwines with the other, which connects to another, and so on until the memories blend and I am transported back to a time that is not a time, and to a place that is not a place. It is from there that I can finally see the big picture clearly through my soul’s eyes.

Collage was my form of therapy during those difficult, sometimes unbearable teenage years. The end result displayed the jagged pieces of my world and I didn’t scrutinize or over think their lack of beauty, depth, or importance like I did with every other aspect of myself. They just became what they were.

I continued to do collage on and off and in between the changing times during those years as a rebellious runaway, a pregnancy and the choices to be made as a result, drug use, an abusive boyfriend, life in a crisis group home for girls, a stint in juvenile hall, hopelessly pining away for a first love, friends in rehab, and friends who decided to check out of life before their time. But there were also smiles, laughter, friendship, excitement, celebration, silliness, remnants of childhood wonder, magic, dreams, unconditional love, and hope for the future. When each collage was completed it would take up space on my bedroom wall to be displayed with the others that mingled with band posters, ticket stubs, and theme park souvenirs.

lunascollage85

Love to you all (and thanks to Facebook for helping us stay in touch) 

In my very first collage there’s trimmed snapshots of me and my horse, a couple of boyfriends, me nose to nose with my poodle, friends at the beach, a birthday wish, friends who partied, a trip to Hawaii, and another trip to an amusement park, and my dear friend R. holding the litter of puppies shortly before she decided to end her own life.

This collage may seem like nothing more than a collection of mishmash haphazardly thrown together but it actually weaves together the private story of a 3 month period of my life very well, saying so much without any words at all. The jumble is a language that is all my own, each experience deeply affecting me, and each event directly relating to the other.

Although I’ve decided to publicly share a little piece of my past, the emotional soul attachment is still privately mine because only I can connect the experiences of my feelings as they relate to the intricate web of my personal journey. That’s the beauty of collage, and even more so, the beauty of our individual memories.

What are some of the ways you have expressed yourself or chronicled events during times of joy, or difficulty?  How do you honor or cherish your memories?

Many Blessings on Your Journey )O(

Invitation Into the Spirit of Collage

/ The Zen Witch / 1 Comment

For many years I have enjoyed working with collage and wanted to share with you how my practice has evolved over time. Because of the different stages in my collage journey I decided to write my experiences over three separate blog posts. I’ll begin with my first attempts at collage as a young teen looking to find an emotional outlet while trying to find myself. The second post will be about my renewed interest as a pregnant pagan mom on bedrest, and how having too much time on my hands was a blessing that led me back to something I enjoy. Finally I’ll share where I am at this point in my journey not only as a wife and mother but a woman who is beginning to come full circle in my process of self-improvement and spiritual growth and where collage plays an important role in that process.

I hope that you enjoy these posts and that they inspire you to try something new, rekindle an old hobby, or perhaps blend the two together in order to create something that is uniquely yours; something that gives you great joy and satisfaction. Please feel free to share your thoughts, comments, and advice. I would love to hear from you!

Simple Collage Cards

Simple Collage Cards

Bountiful Tides; A Lesson in the Blessings of Spontaneity

/ The Zen Witch / 2 Comments

This past Lammas family celebration happened several days later than actual “Lammas” because I was away priestessing the prior weekend. So this year’s Lammas was celebrated during our annual trip to the beach. I battled the perfectionist in me and just went with it. Nothing fancy, nothing planned, no props, just an impromptu altar carved into the sand by the kids followed by many spontaneous blessings to (and from) Earth, Land, Sky, and of course, Sea. Uncomplicated, unexpected, and perfectly imperfect.

IMG_20150805_205106

August at the Oregon Coast is the best chance for seeing sunshine & warm (mid 60’s-70’s) weather days. I’ll admit I love the gray, drizzly, foggy days the best (you know, like any minute you’ll catch a glimpse of a ghost ship on the horizon) but I have no problem sacrificing the mood mist in exchange for watching the kids splash in the cold water without their lips turning blue.

When I break down the weekend, I see the bountiful gifts Lammas had given to us in exchange for nothing more than our awareness and acknowledgement of the ebbing flow of Earth’s yearly cyclical tide.

We enjoyed amazing cracked black pepper and sea salt sourdough wheat bread served before our main meal at our favorite restaurant. Breaking the bead, we each handed the other a piece with a blessing of, “may you never go hungry and may you always be nourished.”

We took joy in wandering around the tide pools and even explored a few secluded beaches we happened upon. We lit a beach bonfire and toasted marshmallows, huddling together in our sweatshirts as we watched the sunset.

IMG_20150806_183819

We watched in awe as the bats swooped through the darkened night sky, taking advantage of the abundance of bugs; a lesson in harvest indeed! It was a wonderful opportunity to talk about the blessings the Goddess gives in all things. We took time to talk about the cycles, how Summer will soon be winding down, and our thoughts and feelings about it.

We visited a glassblowing gallery, becoming completely absorbed in the artist’s craftsmanship and technique of creating something so beautiful out of a molten blob of glass. The connection to Lugh, The Shining One, was not lost on us.

We spent the better part of an afternoon switching between napping drowsily on the warm sand to gazing upon the amazing colorful kites as they danced in the Pacific coastal wind.

It’s a true delight to look back on the last few days and see how we were touched by the hand of the Goddess and God. For me, it’s a reminder of how the spontaneity of Pagan Parenting blesses our lives in many untold ways. It fills our hearts, minds and souls with experiences in mindfulness which are difficult to describe. It’s about letting our instinctive and intuitive connection to the world around us be our guide by simply being aware of what is happening in the present moment and embracing its gifts.

Many blessings on your Journey )O(

My Soul’s Compass

/ The Zen Witch / Leave a comment

Taking a Closer Look at my Astrological Gene

rainbow-horoscope-wheel-chart-7815753

I’m a woman in search of my soul, trying to find my unique connection to the divine as I understand it to be. I’ve always known that one of my major goals in this lifetime was living a spiritual path that rang true to me. I’ve spent decades fine-tuning, soul searching, reading, studying, and learning about everything that resonated with me deep in my core. This journey has led me to live my life with much more awareness because now I allow everything I do to be an opportunity for spiritual growth. The more I allow this to happen the more and more opportunities present themselves.

So it was no surprise when I was cleaning out an old bookshelf in the corner of my art studio and found a folder partially shoved between the shelf and the wall. I pulled it free and looked over the red paper folder. I ran my fingers along the worn edges and pulled back the cover. There inside was my handwriting along with a painstakingly drawn circle with intersecting lines. There were a lot of handwritten pages behind the first, and as I flipped through them, I couldn’t help but smile. Bittersweet, but a smile nonetheless and I wondered why I hadn’t put this folder somewhere safe instead of accidentally coming across it two decades later.

Over two decades. Had it really been that long? No way…Those impressionable years of my life were full of self-discovery as I was courageously coming into my own and finally taking control of my life. It was also a period in my life during which one of the most insightful developments in my spiritual journey occurred.

During my late teens I began studying the occult more seriously. I had already been reading the Tarot for several years and I was always fascinated by the connection between the suits, the elements, and astrology. So when I came across an enormous tome on astrology at a garage sale, I considered it to be quite a find. It’s one of those things I purged during one of my later moves, and I regret not keeping it.

It took me all summer, but I read through that astrological reference ‘bible’ with its crinkly paper-thin pages and writing as dry as stale bread. Its only saving grace was its intricate illustrations. Since there was a step-by-step section on how to draw your own natal chart, I decided to take on the big task of drawing my own. It proved to be much more difficult than I had anticipated.

Before reading my garage sale find and getting a glimpse of the sheer magnitude of astrology, the most I knew about it was that I was a Cancer sun sign, just like my grandmother. She liked to remind me of our little corner of the zodiac and would explain our Cancerian traits at the same time she was teaching me to roll out pie crust. My life, like hers, would be filled with sentimentality to the extreme, a tendency towards crabbiness, but lots of love to make up for it, and the joy of nurturing others with homemade pot pies and jelly rolls. I was about to learn that there was so much more to me than the well-known sun signs, and when I began researching, it seemed like a bottomless pit (and in many ways it still is).

It didn’t take me long to find out that I was in over my head and that it was a project that was going to take me longer than just a lazy Sunday afternoon. There wasn’t a lot of readily available information out there for me to get my hands on as this was during the late 1980’s, so there was no internet option to explore. No copy and pasting or software program. It took patience, something I have always been short on, and this was a rather good lesson for it. I spent plenty of time at the local library. I raided friend’s bookshelves and then the bookshelves of their friends, their parent’s friends, etc. and I was thrilled when I finally got my hands on a real ephemeris.

When I was finished I could plainly see where in my life I had already traversed, and there appeared to be a clear trend of what lay ahead. I was in awe, as it clearly pinpointed certain times in my life with amazing accuracy. It was worth every intersecting line I drew, and every degree I counted. The research and understanding of the houses and other key components finally fell into place and began to make sense. I had connected the dots, creating an amazing map of my life’s path and my unique spiritual journey. I had in my hands a powerful tool to aid me in my spiritual growth. My natal chart gave me a closer look at who I was and the amazing outlook on who I had the potential to be.

Several years after my Grandmother passed away, I obtained her birth-date information and drew her natal chart which showed striking similarities to my own. Signs, planets and houses were just the tip of the iceberg. There were traits about myself that I was already aware of, but to what depth they reached was unknown to me until I took on the adventure of drawing my birth chart. After its completion I had a firm grasp on where I had been and a better idea of where to go from there. It was now easier to see the best choices I could make in order to develop my strengths, and I now had a deeper understanding of how I could effectively ease or overcome my weaknesses. There would be dangers and pitfalls to look out for during certain times in my life and plenty of opportunities that are worth a second look. My natal chart was (and still is) my soul’s compass and although I have since printed it out from several different websites over the years, I am proud to say that my original hand drawn one matches up perfectly. The original is now safely tucked away in my old sentimental box of treasures and keepsakes.

Do you feel your soul’s compass?

Many Blessings on your journey )O(

Honoring Our Mother in all Her Forms

/ The Zen Witch / Leave a comment

As an eclectic pagan family we celebrate Mother’s Day as a day to respect and honor the our Mother, both cosmic and human, whether biological, kinship group, or fostered. Our mother figure is the one who nurtured us, loved us unconditionally, and with whom we are bonded to. It’s also a day to give honor to the Divine Feminine, the quintessential mother archetype.

Many customs, traditions, holidays, and observances can be traced back to their pagan roots. We live closely connected to the cycles of the seasons and the ebb and flow of the moon cycle, but we also choose to embrace other age-old holidays and traditions of the world as well. It’s our way of teaching our children to understand society’s connection to the ancient ways and to gain knowledge about how customs and traditions evolve over time, just as societies have continued to do.

With Mother’s day tomorrow, we as a family have been discussion the origins of the Great Earth-Mother and her importance throughout history. The sacred feminine is a powerful influence in human history, as Mother-Earth worship was around long before the recent patriarchal society which began around 3,000 BC. Evidence of the powerful feminine influence and importance weaves itself through the patterns of ancient matriarchal societies (a small handful still exist in the world today).

Mother-Earth worship and reverence for the Feminine Divine has been found as far back as the Paleolithic period. The Venus of Willendorf sculpture, one of the most well-known figurines representing the Sacred Feminine, is estimated to have been carved between 30,000-22,000 BCE. When I look at her I am in awe of the sheer power of her female body. For me, there is no doubt that she encompasses the magick of the sacred feminine as a symbol of fertility, abundance, strength and stability. She is the embodiment of motherhood and (although some would disagree) beauty.

Even long before the Venus of Willendorf was created, there is evidence of Feminine Divine worship. It has been discovered to exist throughout time and that ancient cultures around the world share its characteristics. These discoveries have been dated as far back as 2.5 million years ago up until the introduction of agriculture around 10,000 BCE. This time-span covers the greatest portion of humanity’s time on Earth, proving how powerful their dedication and reverence for the sacred feminine and the Mother archetype was. They understood the enduring connection of the divine love between a mother and her child.

There is something beautiful, remarkable, and inexplicable to others when trying to describe the love I have for my children. Yet, the intimate bond that mothers share with their child has existed throughout time and throughout the world. Once bonded with their child, the connection between mother and child is said to be one of the strongest connections in nature. I remember holding my firstborn child for the very first time just as much as my second, third, and fourth. For me there were no favorites, just an immeasurable quantity of love. It’s a powerful emotion when you love your child, and the experience brings much laughter and joy. However, the same power of that emotion can just as easily make you weep with tears. It’s a relationship that is as demanding as it is rewarding, and as humbling as it is cherished.

My children are now 24, 18, 9, and 7 and I can honestly say that It didn’t matter how many temper tantrums, adolescent woes, and disagreements there were, my love stayed true.  I somehow knew the bond was meant to shift and change as each child grew more independent, becoming the person they were meant to be. Even as they begin to reach adulthood, the strength of that bond never fades.

It is difficult for me to step back and allow them to make what I feel are really bad decisions, like having relationships with people I disapprove of, or deciding not to go to college. It breaks my heart and hurts my soul that my oldest is a heroin addict, but she is still my child.

My empathy has grown through my experiences raising children and when I look out at the world, I cannot fathom the heartache the Great-Mother must be feeling. But She remains steadfast, and She is ever-present with a watchful eye, unwavering in Her unconditional love. Like me, she hopes for the best. I admire her enduring strength and compassion and I honor her by following her lead, aspiring to be the best mom I can be.

I’ve overheard excited whispers throughout this past week as they plan a special treat for me on the morning of Mother’s Day. I am overwhelmed with joy at their excitement and whether they bring me breakfast in bed or spray me with silly string, I will join in with their laughter, and relish the bounce as they jump into bed with me.

I will also appreciate and cherish the effort made from my older children by way of cards, small gifts, or just doing something nice for me (I desperately need my car washed). I hope for a phone call from my oldest. No matter what I receive/don’t receive, I will give special thanks for the opportunity to be a mother to these special beings of light in my life.

My way of honoring my mom will be letting her know how thankful and appreciative I am for all that she has given me. I want to thank her for adopting me, giving me a home and family. For sharing the joy in my accomplishments as well as for putting up with my rebellious teenage years. I am going to let her know how important she is is to me by taking her out for coffee and piece of pie, then off to her favorite nursery to let her choose some flowers for her garden (and I may find something for myself as well), It’s a time and place set aside just for us, to appreciate the loving energy we share for one another.

Is she the perfect mother? No. Am I the perfect daughter? Oh Hell No! Am I a perfect mom? I’ll admit that I am not, but I sure try my best. It’s those imperfections that make us human and remind us that one of the greatest lessons in life is to learn compassion and to love without judgement. And what a beautiful feeling it is when you feel that unconditional love in return.

Who is the Mother-Figure in your life? How are you planning to honor her? If you yourself are a mother, how are you planning on honoring yourself?

 Many Blessings on your Journey )O(

Finding Balance

/ The Zen Witch / Leave a comment

Finding Balance

As a Free Spirit, there is no set prescribed dogma or rules about how much, how little, how long, or even where I decide to practice and honor the Divine. My path is a reflection of my Soul’s yearning, and I feel as naturally drawn in that direction as branches of a tree bend towards the light.

Daily Spiritual Practice is vitally important for the Journey of the Soul but can be very difficult to maintain if you don’t find some sort of structure that is evenly tempered with balance. This is my ongoing journey towards balance.

Over the past two decades, my daily practice has evolved (and continues to evolve) in the most wondrous ways. I’ve come a long way since twenty years ago when I felt it necessary to perform formal rituals for any spellwork of any kind. When I flip through my first Book of Shadows and the countless spiral notebooks I had filled with ‘necessary’ knowledge, it’s clear how much I lacked in self-trust and balance.

Unlike my Catholic upbringing and other major faiths, my new way of Spirituality was not centered on an individual’s teaching. I wasn’t following a “Book”, instead I was creating my own. I was discovering my own Truth and quickly became passionate, eager to learn anything and everything I could about Paganism, Goddess Worship, Witchcraft, New Age, Astrology, Divination, Angels, Holistic & Natural Healing, Reiki, Eastern Philosophy, Zen, etc.. Although I had freed myself from the bondage of mainstream religion, I found myself to be very much alone. I was no longer accountable to anyone other than myself, and like many others, I am my own worst critic.

Young and in the early stages of my new Spiritual Path, I quickly fell into the New Age Wicca trap and became guilty of buying gleaming new tools to adorn my altar because I didn’t trust myself to create them myself with items I found in nature. (And I’ll admit I’m drawn to pretty, sparkly things, and oh my are there pretty, sparkly things packed in metaphysical shops!) I read, reread, rewrote, and reworked everything until my head spun and I began to second guess all of my actions. Instead of finding fulfillment and peace, I became a nervous wreck with less self-esteem than I began with. I’ve come a long way spiritually since then, and had a lot to learn about the concept of balance.
Regular balance adjustments have been crucial to my Spiritual alignment and have become as welcome as they are necessary. Over the years I’ve accepted the fact that overdoing can be just as bad as doing nothing at all. Roadblocks and perfection detours have no place on my Spiritual Path. Creating balance allows me to move along freely and maintaining that balance in my daily Spiritual practice has helped me gain balance in all areas of my life.

Life is just one big balancing act. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives are in constant stages of change. We can be physically cold, emotionally sad, and spiritually malnourished. On the other hand we can feel great in one or more of these areas.

When it comes to Spiritual Balance, it’s important to understand that a person’s idea of balance can vary greatly between individuals. When you factor in all those moment to moments, the one size fits all mentality just isn’t going to work.

The trick to finding that sweet spot of equilibrium will rely on your honesty. With yourself. We are creatures of habit, but not all habits are good for us. Look at yourself, then look at your situation. What needs to change? More than likely it will be something you don’t want to change, but it’s our responsibility to know where our strengths and weaknesses lie at any given time. Knowing where and how much power we can draw from one area of our life to help balance another is one of our life’s best lessons to learn. For me it was one of the hardest. It meant I had to evaluate and be objective in my reasoning.

One of my favorite tools to use when looking within is the Tarot. The archetypal images work beautifully for me to tap into my subconscious, bringing to light certain aspects of my life that I couldn’t see . Many are inspired by the Tarot, but it’s not for everyone. The key is to find that special tool that resonates with you on a deeply Spiritual level in order to unlock the subconscious. For some it’s meditation, for others it may simply be going for a walk in nature. There’s automatic writing, trance work, dream analysis, etc. Look for that special something that works for you, try out new things. When you find it you’ll know it. If you find yourself second guessing, then it’s probably not right for you, and you should move on and try something else.

Balance is a constant state of give and take. You will only be disappointed if you think balance and harmony can be a moment frozen in time. The only constant in life is change, so you just gotta to roll with it.

Blessings on your Journey )O(